Seeing

Fell in love with an ideal,
Failing to see the fragile being within.
Grew angry with myself
Committing the mistake yet again.

Skin without scars

Must all stories be writ rough hewn upon body and soul?
What of the seemingly unblemished surfaces?
Might they too have their tales to tell–
Perhaps no less interesting than those that leave a permanent mark?

Maybe there are smoother paths to fulfillment.
But, what is it that's said about the path of least resistance?
Something to do with crooked rivers...
Is the alternative always to push against the tide?

If we allow the current to just run its course,
Where might the flow carry us?
And how does one begin?
Simply letting go is never simple.

Many and not at all

A thousand half-formed thoughts do not a complete thought ...

in memoriam

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"joy is one's fuel"

In a place

One year of circling the sun and right back where we started.

However, a year is not a completely exact measure of travel around the sun and there are subtle changes and oscillations in the orbit. Not to mention the fact that our solar system is orbiting around the center of our galaxy and the galaxy is moving within the universe and let's not forget that the universe itself is expanding. So, are we really ever in the "same" place again?

I suppose, if we choose a specific frame of reference we can claim to be roughly in the same place. Though choose one far enough out and "roughly" can mean almost anything. Relative to Alpha Centauri we're practically on mars and with respect to the Andromeda Galaxy we might as well be in Alpha Centauri. Maybe from a pan-galactic perspective we're pretty much sitting in the same place our entire lives.

Then again, if you're thinking relatively, you can sort of just put yourself wherever you want to if you keep shifting your frame of reference. You can be the center of your own universe if you please. Though I imagine the equations one would need fabricate to keep such a Ptolemaic-like system in place would become increasingly absurd.

Now what was the whole point of this again?  Oh...right...to try and distract myself.

Mission accomplished, I guess.

Swings

Found this on her computer,
written not long before she passed.

Memory of a late-night stroll
from some years back.
---------------------------

we walked to the park
the swings...
and the height, the throwing your head back
to see the world upside down, the stars in the sky
the swings...
and steve
as he flew off
paused in mid air for a second, scared for a second
landing surprised...laughing.

that laughter, that joy, that "doing it again"
this...is all that matters

Found in a folder

Off the rails

Sometimes, it seems, you need to come crashing down hard for no apparent reason other than to remember what it feels like to pick yourself back up again.

Noticing

Each week when I walk into her office she begins by asking something along the lines of "what have you noticed?" In response, I generally launch into whatever it is I've been thinking about or feeling or struggling with recently. I have rarely given much deep consideration to the specific question itself. I realize that perhaps it isn't intended to be taken so specifically, that it's main purpose is likely just to spur the process. Nonetheless, it is a very good question, especially when taken specifically.

More importantly, I think it also begs the fundamental question of "have you been noticing?" Have you been staying present and aware in your daily life? If so, what has been the focus of that awareness? What things have drifted to the forefront of your consciousness? But, also, what are those things still flitting about the periphery?

What have I noticed?

And what has gone unnoticed?

Is

To be present in your life—no matter what it is—is more important than what it is.

Lights

She loved The Bay Lights
And I remember after her passing
Realizing that they'd been turned off
Seemed a reminder of how dark my world was
Some people had called them frivolous and unnecessary
Yet despite or because, she loved them the same
They were pretty and made her smile
What could be more necessary?
I think of her as I see them
Now that they're back

The edge

Inching towards the precipice
It's not the cliff that frightens
Or the idea of falling.
It's neither plummet
Nor unknown below.
It's not even the thought
Of hitting rock bottom.
...
It's departing the current plateau

Even if you think a million times a thing is going to happen, you are never truly prepared for what the experience of it will be like when it actually does.

Held

Delicate as a fine crystal glass
That shatters beneath the slightest grip
Yet slices into the flesh of your hand
Spilling the red from within.

Until

On wilted wings of gossamer strings,
May we still set flight?

With mast that bends in fading winds,
Dare we sail this night?

As daylight pales and vision fails,
What's to spur us on?

When all goes dark and absent mark,
Peer we t'wards the dawn?

If storms befall our straining gall,
How so shall we cope?

And lain adrift in sightless mist,
Can we yet stir hope?

Then at first light, in harrowed plight,
Will boldness hoist the main?

As morn' creeps on and will is gone,
Might we start again?

Soledad

Forward to the Past

Here's my thought for "Back to the Future" Day such that it is:
I sometimes feel born either 100 years too soon or 100 too late.

Rachmaninoff

Piano Concerto #2
As soon as those famous first chords are struck, I am taken back...
Sitting in my condo, two cats at my side listening to classical music.
And now, nearly 23 years later, here I sit again.
The first movement resonates as it always stirred feelings of "longing" and "enduring."
However, that sense of hope I used to hear in the second seems just an echo right now.
The third, I'm not really quite sure where it takes me at this moment.

Dive

You can only swim beneath the waves for so long.
Eventually, you must come up for air and learn to ride the surf.

Duolingo

Sometimes my Spanish training site comes up with sentences that are a bit too close to home.

"Estos días son difíciles"